The less I eat, the fatter I feel. So when I feel really huge because I haven’t eaten properly in days, I binge. After that binge I look in the mirror and can see my ribs, hip bones, spine, collar bones, knobbly knees… (usually I see a size 12 staring back, even though I wear a size 8 wtf?) and I feel happy for about a millisecond. Maybe I’m not fat! Maybe I’m thin! Maybe I’m beautiful! But then the disease takes over my mind again, that food can only hold it back for so long. Yes I still see my bones, but somehow they are fat bones. My spine that is poking through, each vertebrae visible, is fat. My hip bones, clearly showing, are fat. My ribs are fat. I am so logical in my thinking that I know it is impossible for me to be 5’9, weigh 115lbs and be fat. I know I’m not fat. But why do I see a fat person looking back at me when I stand in front of the mirror? A fat person with their bones jutting out. Impossible.
breakfast - banana
lunch - skinny cappuccino
dinner - yasai yaki soba, carrot cake, mocha
Not a good day, but not a bad day either considering I was on my feet for 8 hours straight! I went out for tea with my dad and he is so good at making me eat, I do love him though so I don’t mind too much. Now about to do an hours work out so it should be ok. Are any of you doing the Valentines Day challenge?
estimate - 1000
